I quitted smoking, day 1.

This use to be my personal "training" diary for 40+ year old man and now it's my I quitted smoking diary. Been smoking past 20 years now and I have paused smoking for few times. Now it's permanent. Till next time. Last time it lasted two and half months. Before that it lasted year and half. And I have paused from time to time but those lasted from few days to couple of weeks. So it wasn't that hard physically for me as I had been few days with out smoke. Usually those breaks came day-after. On hungover, which wasn't that bad for me either. No matter how hard I drank it really didn't physically make me sick, well sometimes yes, but once in two years or so. 

So, yesterday was fun, free booze and good company. I had almost full pack of cigarettes and I knew it won't last till next day or I might get high and dry before night is over. I knew that this time it was it. It has been said that few first days are the hardest and for me it never has been those few first days, it has been those days when have not been smoking for few weeks and you feel comfortable and you get that sweet smell in your nose and you start to crave for it. 

It's physcial and mental addiction. You have to fight your urges, usually mental is the hardest part.  Physical urgers are the easiest ones. Once you get past few weeks it gets easier to resist urges to smoke just one, few inhales, nothing more. Yeah, right. That's how it starts all over again. Mentally it is much harder. If it weren't, it wouldn't be addictive. To understand mental separation from smoking we have to understand addcition.:

addiction

əˈdɪkʃ(ə)n/

noun
    the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance or activity.

synonyms:
    dependency, dependence, craving, habit, weakness, compulsion, fixation, enslavement; 




For me it has been social and wasting idle time. If I waited for a bus to arrive, I smoked. If I waited for a store to open, I smoked. If I had a long walk ahead, I smoked. Party at friends house and some one goes out for a smoke, I joined or instigated it. At the bar, at the picnic, after meal, I smoked. Worked too hard, needed a break? I smoked. There were countless reason to smoke. But I didn't had countless reason not to smoke. We all die anyway, if smoking reduces my life from those days when I am wearing diaper and can't remember my name, fine. I can live with that. It's not like I am going to live forever and be healthy because I didn't smoke. I didn't quit because I want to live longer and being healthier, I quitted because smoking smelled bad, cost a tons of money and I didn't have a physical addiction. I can't afford smoke on regular basis.